Relationship Abuse

Luke 4:24, 28-29

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In Luke Chapter four Jesus had been rejected at home, he said in verse 24.

And he said, “Amen I tell you: No prophet is accepted in his hometown. All those who were in the synagogue were filled with rage when they heard these things. They got up and drove him out of the town. They led him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, in order to throw him off the cliff. (Luke 4:24, 28-29)

Jesus was no stranger to abuse, even in relationships that should have been close and should have been good. Christians are no strangers to this. Maybe you’re no stranger to this abuse and rejection, even at home. And if you’re not, I guarantee, you know, people. Who have been a victim of relationship abuse. And maybe, just a helpful working definition of that would be good. Relationship abuse is a pattern of behavior used by one partner to maintain control over another partner in a relationship. So it’s a pattern of behavior. It’s something that repeats. And the goal is usually to maintain control over somebody else.

So, as Christians, we’re going to be in all kinds of relationships that are messy, and we’re going to hang in there for the sake of sharing the gospel with people. But maybe there are still things to watch out for. There are. And I’ve heard kind of these lists of things to watch for, for relationship abuse, to protect yourself and to see when you need to walk away from challenging relationships. Here are some things to watch for that are not healthy.

Examples of abuse might be connected to faith, like someone mocking your faith or preventing church attendance or using God’s word to control what other people do. Parents or spouses maybe only bring God into the conversation as proof that they need to be obeyed. Abuse can include sexual sin, like cheating on a spouse. Forcing sex or withholding sex. Abuse includes physical things like hitting or threatening or using weapons, throwing household objects, hurting pets. It includes controlling behavior patterns of controlling behavior like demanding Internet passwords, controlling all of the money, giving an allowance to a spouse, withholding approval. Patterns of jealousy. Abuse can be verbal and emotional. It can be convincing people that they’re always overreacting, saying things like, You’re crazy. That never happened. You’re so sensitive, you must be confused again. That’s not right. You’re just remembering things wrong. Calm down. I never said that.

Sometimes, like when Jesus. When the people carried him to the edge of the cliff. People can use anger or intimidation, or maybe it’s just a thousand little manipulative pokes. And then the other person reacts with anger and looks like they’re the bad guy. If you’re noticing patterns like that in yourself and how you relate to others, you need to repent of that and turn away from that and get help. Sadly, people don’t often notice that in themselves, so someone is courageous enough to come and talk with you about your anger or control issues, then please listen to them and get help. Don’t get angry.

Perhaps you are in that situation yourself and reach out to a pastor or a Christian friend that can help you and know that Jesus is with you. And like we talked about last time, he’s been rejected and he cares about you. But maybe you just have someone who has come and talked to you about a difficult situation there and what can you do for them? And here’s just five ideas that I’ve heard from others about what you can do when someone comes to talk with you.

And that is. First of all, if they come and tell you about an unhealthy, abusive situation, they are trusting you. They’re giving you a gift by telling you and inviting in, confiding in you. And what do you do with the gift? You say thank you. Thank them for coming and listen to them.

The next thing you can do is simply have empathy. You don’t need to solve the problem. But maybe it’s just saying. That sounds really hard. I am so sorry that that has happened.

The third thing is to ask them, how can I help? You may think you know the answer to it, but just start with them and ask How? How can I help you? That’s going to be the most helpful thing that you can do.

And then when they say, here’s how you can help. If you can do that to help them in the way that they need to be helped.

And then finally, check for safety, make sure that they’re not going into a situation where they’re in danger.

So, yeah. Challenging things that we get to wrestle with in God’s Word. But hopefully, as we see how Jesus dealt with abuse and rejection and you see his love for you, we can just start to learn more and help each other too.